What do I do now?!?!

So you just found out you are pregnant.. And are either completely thrilled or completely scared. That's ok. It can bring up so many questions, fears, and more. It's scary. Things as you know it are going to change. You are now faced with the first of many decisions. Some are more favored or accepted than others. Are you going to keep the baby and raise it? Are you going to place the baby for adoption? Or the one that is most judged.. are you going to have an abortion? No choice is easy and no choice is wrong if its your choice and you are ok with it. It may not be my choice or what is most accepted but its still your choice. No matter the choice your life will be changed. If you chose to abort, you are on a timeline. Many won't let you abort past a certain part of the pregnancy so if you are even thinking about it you need to find a place soon. But make sure you are the one making that choice and aren't being forced. Talk to a dr or counselor you trust too. Once it's done it's done. You can't change it. If you aren't sure you can then don't. Adoption is a viable option too. If you are considering adoption then you need to find an adoption agency or attorney. You will need to decide if you want an open, closed, or semi-open. Your adoption counselor should be able to discuss all those with you and help you make the right decision. It's not easy to place a child, but its a great option if you know you aren't ready or able to properly care for your child. Adoptive parents these days especially are often very amazing and will give your child all the love and things you want for them and will be forever thankful for you. You won't be forgotten for what you blessed them with. The last option is keeping the baby. This isn't an easy option either but for many its the only option. It was the only option for me. Doesn't mean its the best answer but was the only one for me. If you chose this option then there are many things you need to do and get sorted. First thing you need to do once you get the first question answered (or if unsure still) is stop all drinking of alcohol (some drs/professionals say an occasional glass of wine is ok but I suggest none at all unless you talk to your dr first). Also no illegal drugs (prescription medications need to be discussed with your dr ASAP because some are not safe during pregnancy so if you take any call your dr first thing and talk to them about what meds you are on and which you need to stop or change). If you smoke you should seriously try to quit, cut back, etc. Smoking while pregnant isn't healthy for you nor baby. If you can't just quit again talk to your dr about how to stop/change. Next you need to decide are you going to use a midwife, a dr (family dr or OB/GYN)and what your insurance requires of you. Some insurances won't cover midwives, some make you get a referral from your primary dr to see an OB, and some aren't covered so need to find one that is covered. Then call and make an appt. You'll have to tell them your last date of your menstrual cycle (period) so try to know that if not your best guess (if you are irregular or was on birth control tell them that information). This is often because most won't see you if no known issues until you are 8-12 weeks! (that's 4-8 weeks most likely since your missed period). If you don't have insurance, and are unemployed/lower income check with your state about state coverage for maternity. Many times you will be covered too. You should also try to minimize your caffeine intake, start taking prenatal vitamins (and I found taking at night before bed helped so wasn't pukey feeling lol), and try to eat a better healthy selection of foods. That is if morning sickness (which can be all day puking or nausea too) allows you to eat. Many small meals and snacks can help you feel not so pukey. You'll also start seeing changes. Your pants may stop fitting, bras are too small, breasts hurt like crazy and very sensitive, many smells make you sick, and you have to pee all the time! The joys of pregnancy! LOL Those are just the first things to do. Fun huh? After the initial things, things will settle down. But then comes all the fun and confusing stuff.. baby purchases. What were your first signs of pregnancy? Did you chose a dr, midwife, or other for your birth? Would you change it? I had a dr for primary, saw a midwife a couple times as they were my back up and ended up delivering my son.

An introduction and my pregnancy

How do I know what it means to be a single mom? What credentials do I have to talk about it you may be wondering. Well the summer of 2011 I gave birth to my son Z. I went through the entire pregnancy on without his "father" aka BD. I grew up as a child of a single mother too.
I first found out I was unexpectedly pregnant fall of 2010. I went to the store and bought the test and the check out girl was too cheery that I may be baking something in that ole uterus of mine. First thought when the two lines appeared was "Oh F@!@!!!" And then how was I going to share it? I knew BD would not be happy but I didn't want to deal with it all alone. I text a couple friends, called one of them, and cried. What was I going to do now?

That night I went to BD house for dinner and hanging out. I couldn't figure how to break it to him. Finally laying there we were talking and it came out. To say he was mad was an understatement. He accused me of planning it, then to claim suicide, to demanding I abort. Lovely eh? I was crying and trying to keep him from doing something stupid to trying to comfort him when I just wanted to be held and be told we will figure this out. I went home a mess and had to go meet with my dad. Wonderful night it wasn't. That week and weekend the talks continued and horrible texts too. I'd get nice ones to not so nice ones. I was a bag of emotions, nauseous, and my body was beginning to change. Even thought I was about to miscarry at one point due to it all and worried my friend I was with.

Within two weeks from finding out, he stopped talking to me. Wouldn't answer texts or calls. I was devastated. Here I was pregnant, alone, my pants no longer fit, smells made me sick and I still had to figure out a dr, where to deliver, and how to tell my family, and how was I going to get insurance.

I share that with you so if you are reading you might be able to relate to it. The fear, the uncertainty, the little bit of joy (OMG I'm going to be a mommy!), the what nows. All normal, even with planned pregnancies there is often same feelings! What were your initial thoughts/feelings? How did your partner react? In the next post I'll go through what do I do now?