How do I know what it means to be a single mom? What credentials do I have to talk about it you may be wondering. Well the summer of 2011 I gave birth to my son Z. I went through the entire pregnancy on without his "father" aka BD. I grew up as a child of a single mother too.
I first found out I was unexpectedly pregnant fall of 2010. I went to the store and bought the test and the check out girl was too cheery that I may be baking something in that ole uterus of mine. First thought when the two lines appeared was "Oh F@!@!!!" And then how was I going to share it? I knew BD would not be happy but I didn't want to deal with it all alone. I text a couple friends, called one of them, and cried. What was I going to do now?
That night I went to BD house for dinner and hanging out. I couldn't figure how to break it to him. Finally laying there we were talking and it came out. To say he was mad was an understatement. He accused me of planning it, then to claim suicide, to demanding I abort. Lovely eh? I was crying and trying to keep him from doing something stupid to trying to comfort him when I just wanted to be held and be told we will figure this out. I went home a mess and had to go meet with my dad. Wonderful night it wasn't. That week and weekend the talks continued and horrible texts too. I'd get nice ones to not so nice ones. I was a bag of emotions, nauseous, and my body was beginning to change. Even thought I was about to miscarry at one point due to it all and worried my friend I was with.
Within two weeks from finding out, he stopped talking to me. Wouldn't answer texts or calls. I was devastated. Here I was pregnant, alone, my pants no longer fit, smells made me sick and I still had to figure out a dr, where to deliver, and how to tell my family, and how was I going to get insurance.
I share that with you so if you are reading you might be able to relate to it. The fear, the uncertainty, the little bit of joy (OMG I'm going to be a mommy!), the what nows. All normal, even with planned pregnancies there is often same feelings! What were your initial thoughts/feelings? How did your partner react? In the next post I'll go through what do I do now?
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